On-board diary 2. 28 January

I'm writing this entry from our guesthouse in Siem Raep, Cambodia. After almost a day of trip, finally changed country and the differences are pretty obvious since the moment you cross the border; but this belongs to a future post.

I don't know when the second day of my southeast asia adventure exactly started, as i couldn't sleep at all that first night in Bangkok. At that moment I didn't knew this one I will happen the same. After wandering half dead almost all the morning, living on the bath my turkish fellows lend me as the exchange office that was supossed to open at 8.30 am didn't do it until two hours later, and reaching lunch time, finally, all the erasmus people woke up: The last ones, those who privated me from using my lovely bedroom. By that time I had sweated all the alcohol in my body, and beside my eyes, I had a pretty good face and quite a lot of energy, so we went to have lunch to the same place we ate last night and we followed the first group on their afternoon excursion through Bangkok. I think we were Martín, Aga, Justyna, Murat and me. We went to the pier next to our guesthouse aheading the most ancient and crazy part of the city: Chinatown. This crazy labyrinth of streets was full of everyhting you can find, incredibly crowded and with motorbikes totally loaded with boxes driving in the middle of all people. The street are as narrow as my arms widespread. But without any doubt, the most impressive stuff there was the food. I can assure everybody i couldn't recongnize what the hell was about an 80% of all the items displayed. I saw deshidrated squids, fried duck heads, the most awful-looking chickens I've ever seen, and that horrible pink stuff i still cannot imagine what can it be. And bugs, of course, in those fantastic ways like a brochette.

After that, We kept walking back towards Khao San Road discovering Bangkok, and it was a fucking long way. We stopped at our first big temple of the trip, Wat Suthep, with a huge buddah statue and some people dpraying. It was nice, but by now I've seen better ones. Murat told us that normally there's an old high ranked monk giving prayings and blessing the people. We didn't see it; anyway, I've been blessed in Thailand and Cambodia. Walking the streets of normal working Bangkok was quite nice, seeing all the cable labyriths they have and squirrels running along them in the middle of a capital city. After the temple we headed towards the Royal Palace, wich we saw from the distance. We were in a street full of buddah shops, where you can even buy big buckets full of everything from food to toothpaste to leave as a present in the temple of your choice. It's a crazy thing that of the offers and donatives.

Finally, we stopped to eat on a place next to the river inside some kind of eating galleries. Following the advice of Murat, I decided to try Tom Yam, a typical thai soup that was so fucking hot -as everything here- and not very tasty. I ended ordering also a fried rice with chicken. Much better. In our way out, the coolest phone I've ever seen and probably ever will see: a Doraemon's head. Instant love. We arrived New Siam some hours before dinner time and just stayed there, enjoying some Changs and getting ready for one of the most weird and famous places in Bangkok: Patpong district.

Patpong deservers a highly descriptive paragraph for itself. This is the famous district of lust and vice, the incredibly crowded prostitution quarter. Once you step out the tuk-tuk, you can't stop hearing guys offering you all kind of shows, places and different services. You can do whatever you want here. Well, you can do whatever you want in Cambodia, fuck, I hate being so late in the blog, and cannot fully describe the things as I feeled them in the first moment, making comparisons with future events. Patpong. Pinponchoooooou. Heaven and hell, depending on who goes there, and what you see. The nightlife there is so different from Khao San Road, full of tourist, but less dreadlock neohippie backpacking and more tourism,  nightlife backpackers, expats, locals and all kind of perverts. We arrived in a quite small group, the first erasmus but  Robert, Murat, Ilker, Erdem, Fatih, the elder couple and maybe someone else. I don't remember. After being offered thirty
times different pingpongshows wich I couldn't wait to see, maybe one of the best knowns attractions in Thailand. We went to a girl's bar, wich is like a brothel but with more aspect of pub, with an elevated central corridor full of incredible girls (and incredible ladyboys) dancing on it, looking at you, pushing their breasts, looking fucking hot, and with a number sticked to their bra so you can order the one you like just like you order a Singha, a Leo or a Chang. New age slavery, old times pleasure. They stepped up to dance in turns, ladyboys, girls, ladyboys, girls, and on an on. It was easy to recognize when the ladyboys were because of two or three really malish ones, but fuck, those ladyboys look incredible if you only take a glimpse at them. Much of them, with ones of the best bodies I've ever seen. Not hot at all, they have three legs. Anyway,
most of the girls where simply astonishing, most of them (un)dressed and painted in a way that looked like 17 year old girls ready to fulfill those pervert's dreams of southeast asia. Non of them is under 25, but anyway, going there looking for a girl who looks like an early teenager is really fucked up. My opinion. I fell in love with number 135. Really, that girl was much more than a dream come true. Perfect smile, perfect face, perfect body, and probably perfect price. I didn't try the last assumption. They were also quite desinhibited. We were next to the door where they change, and two of them, wich had  their lockers just in front, simply changed clothes there without closing the door. Full show. Besides the wonderful sight of beauty, there are two things really worthy to quote: the comic situation of seeing the ladyboys going into the ladies toilet to out make-up and the same ladyboy going after to the man's one to pick up nature's call; and the shocking one of seeing each of them praying and giving offers to the buddah just before going up the central row. That is a cultural shock just because the kind of hating education we are given, the prostitutes are people just as you and me, and still don't know why a politician or a banker "deserves" more respect. And in these highly religious countries, everybody prays and gives offers to buddah. Even this, it's something you need to see. After a couple of beers there, we went out and suffered again the horde of guys offering the pingpongshows. But it was a must-see stuff. We went into three or four of them just to check because as they said "can cheee fo freeeee". Really, I think there are more than 20 different places, Bangkok it's Sin City. Finally, we entered one. Sensitive people, keep out. Normal people, or just people with sense of adventure and willingness to discover, welcome to one of the most shocking shows I believe you can experience in Thailand. Between the erotic and the disgusting, much more closer to the disgusting, specially for the "gorgeus" women doing all kinds of strange and painful stuff with their pussies, you are able to see something hard to describe with words. I will do it, but first, a warning: they will lie to you. We entered and stayed having two or three beer each (100 THB per unit) because they said we will only  pay the beers, while in the end they wanted each one of us to pay 1000 THB for having seen the show. Luckily, we were all the first group there, about twenty people, we stayed in our position and we simply left without paying the scam. I'm not sure if going just two or three people (if you go alone you are a fucking pervert) it would be that easy. Now, the beautiful/awful reality. Those women are simply amazing. I bet if you fuck one of them you can't last for more than two minutes. They have to be fucking incredible fuckers. Shit, el polvo más brutal de la historia. I don't doubt that. When you enter a place and the first thing you see is a woman in 4 with a whistle plugged in her pussy and blewing, you know you are in a different place. Get ready for the most bizarre stuff you will probably read in this blog.

- The string: Ilker was the man. He had the needed guts to grab the 5 meter coloured string from that ruined and probably pussy and pull and pull until the end. Like a magician's never ending rope, but coming from a pussy.
- The nut-cracker: Sick. The woman placed a nut in the middle of the stage and with two to three worm-like movements, she cracked it with her pussy. Great for christmas time.
- The egg: This was simply amazing. The lady put inside her cunt a fresh egg and, with vaginal movements, and a glass in the right spot, she threw the egg without breaking it inside her to the glass and broke it. Opening an egg will never ever be the same for me.
- The birthday cake: The big cake with a stripper inside is dead. The new deal is a girl wich also places a straw down there and blows the candles. Why there are only birthday gardens for kids?
- The smoking pussy: Old time weird fetish, ladys smoking. I hope I never meet a girl like that, if smoking in the  traditional way is bad for health, having smoke inside there has to be (and it's) disgusting. Okay, nobody will taste that, but just imagine doing it after the cigarrette. You are even asked to light it.
- The pingpong show: Probably one of the most famous tricks they perform, it's pretty impressive. Throwing a pingpongball with the enough strenght to make it fly for 4 to 5 meters. And aiming at the customers. Justyna was hit a few times, Fatih took one all covered in fluids and they even made it close to put them into some whiskey glasses. Anyway, the best thing is that they give you a racket so you can play pingpong against them. Actually, is just something to avoid being hit with the most dirty bullet ever. Empoverished uranium is nothing compared to that.
- The bottle-opener: Seriously, this could easily be one of the hardest and mentally painful things I've ever witnessed. Those who know me are aware of my famous party ability, the skill to open beer bottles with my mouth in a bunch of seconds. I've been definitely beaten. Opening a beer bottle with a pussy requires far more ability as well as a complete lack of interest for your body integrity. God, that was fucking awesome.
- The balloons: Last one. And for me, the most impressive one. I knew they could do this before seeing it, but once I witnessed, I can do nothing but surrender to their skills. They can fucking kill you with the pussy, and I'm not saying it in a sexual way. They place a straw in their hole and suddenly, all the balloons places around the stage begin to explode. They are able to shoot real sharp darts with an astonishing precission, even breaking rows of two or three ballons in the same attemp. For me, this was definitely THE trick, both for the violence and the surgical precission they have.

A must seen stuff. I mean it.



One or two hours after we reached the hostel, previously stopping at McThay. I wasn't tired in that moment, but I knew i wouldn't go out, not even to welcome the second group as I needed to sleep after two days. In the end, I didn't sleep again. When I was about to start dreaming, I heard the voices of some of them and decided to go downstairs and meet them. I shouldn't. Because nobody of us had passport size photos for applying for the visa to Myanmar except Martín, and they planned to apply next day, just for a trying, wich in the end was a futile effort, and the photo stores were already closed because it was about 1 am, we found an alternative method: Mario took us pictures using the white walls of my room and then we started a proccess to fit them to needed size. It took us all the night. There are like 7 different computer programmes to convert any photo to passport size. We know that because we had to download them all, install them, and every time we thought we had achived it, something wasn't correct. We bought a fucking pendrive just to be able to pass them from the hostel's computers to mine, and back to the hostel's computer. All for nothing, as it was needed to go personally to the embassy.
They could have asked before, as well as reminding erasmus people heads of bringing pictures for applying for visas. I know it's pretty obvious, but it's evenmore easier to forget it. All the turkish had. No one of the erasmus. That information management was about to become a constant in the trip. And so on, I achived my third consecutive night without sleeping. And next day, or that day, as I was already on 29th, the story was going to continue.